Don’t Be Deaf to the Language of Desire

I just spent the last week with my best friend. She was just finalizing her divorce after a ten-year marriage and was feeling terribly depressed about herself. My friend’s ex-husband was a nice enough man, but had started cheating on my friend two years ago and had fallen in love with someone else. My friend realized she had totally missed the language of desire her husband had expressed and felt responsible for the divorce.

While it was easy for my friend to take the blame, ultimately, it was her husband who decided to cheat instead of communicate any issues and work on problems in their relationship. My friend would have been willing to forgive her husband had he admitted to his affair, but denied it until the woman he was having the affair with called my friend and told her what had been going on. At that point, my friend had already confronted her husband and was met with nothing but lies about his late hours and weekend business trips.

In an honest moment between my friend and her husband, he admitted that he no longer felt desired by her. She was more concerned about their house and kids and he felt he had taken third place in her life behind everything else. He said he worked hard to give them the beautiful house and designer clothes for the kids and felt he was wanted more for his paycheck than for being a man worthy of sexual desire. He also admitted that he had been less than perfect as well and was often too tired after work and dealing with the kids to be with my friend intimately.

Ultimately, it was a complete lack of communication in every form that led to the demise of their relationship. I felt badly for my friend, but knew she had learned an important lesson and would bounce back and be more in tune with any future partners in her life.

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